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If you think it's morally wrong, then exercise some willpower and stop doing it. It's genuinely that simple. You have to decide if it's wrong or not and then follow the path that aligns with your moral compass. If you think it's wrong and you keep doing it, then you're either addicted or your morals must not mean much to you if you violate them over something so stupid.
You have clearly stated you believe what you are doing is wrong, so you are judging yourself. It's good to be a man and heal thyself. That helps.
look i've been thinking about this lately. i'm single, no plans in that sort of direction, but i've had two lanes of thought.
one is a friend i've mentioned on here often. i've been anywhere from semi-obsessed to obsessed with her muscles for a few years now, but we are long past the kind of "daily" phase of our friendship and though we're still good friends, we're moving in different directions and it's a once every few months kind of thing. in 20 years I still want ot be friends but not be stuck in this mode where i'm thinking about that, or even thinking about how she was.
so related to that--say i do want to get married in the next ten years. am i going to rob my girlfriend/fiance/spouse of my attention and devotion because I have this fetish nagging in the back of my brain? especially after i watched porn destroy my parent's marriage? every time she catches you looking at this site or others she'll say it's fine until one day it's not and everything gets turned upside down.
don't continue or start a new cycle, because if you can't kick it now it'll never go away.
this is not a ween yourself off situation. you're going ot have to go cold turkey on it and enact as many precautions as you can so you can reorient how you view her and deal with this. of course this sounds hypocritical coming from someone on this site who isn't in a relationship, but i'm fully aware that if i really want to make strides in that direction, everything related to my fetish is going to have to go out the window, unless i wind up in the unlikely position that she also would participate in this with me.
We are completely honest with one another & I have mentioned this problem to her a few times over time & I still continue to beat myself up about it. She knows I am into women with abs & GWM. She does not care & thinks it is pretty cool.
Pay your 10%. Say a few homini domini's. And go o living a good life, doing as little harm as you can. I think the guilt you're describing speaks to a certain quality of character, but we all draw our lines in different places and the line I'm at today is not where it was when I was your age. Or maybe it was the same as yours and I just suppressed it better then, who knows.
What matters most - in this guy's opinion - is that you're honest with one another. If you have that, you've got a lot to build upon. And then it's up to you two to decide what you can live with and what the deal-breakers are.
I would like to thank you all above for your thoughts. Reading this all with a fresh mind has been eye-opening. I appreciate the full transparency along with some hard truths. I was going to delete this, but I will leave it just in-case anyone else here gets into a similar situation. I was already 90% of the way, so thank you for that extra 10% push to fully invest in moving on & committing 100% to my future wife.
There’s already some excellent comments here, just to add some extra thoughts:
You are allowed to take a deep breath, slow down, and give yourself some time and space to enjoy the actual physical world before you. I urge you to prioritize it before the virtual/Internet world. Unless you make this executive decision, your brain will not know the difference, and it thinks the pictures of the girls you see on this site are a part of your community— this probably drives a lot of the tension you feel.
Remind yourself that the people you love are a part of the real physical world. You can touch and feel in multiple dimensions, not only visually as in the Internet. Prioritize them!
Remember, people throughout most of human history never got to see more than a few hundred people in their entire lives. You can now expose your brain to that many people in a single morning. We are not naturally wired to achieve social/emotional balance with the quality and amount of information the Internet can pipe into our homes. There is a concept out there called “information diet.” What does your information diet look like?
This site does not exist in a vacuum, it is part social media, part 21st century Internet, and we all owe it to ourselves to seek balance in our lives between how we engage with the real world versus the virtual world.
sultanrs21 - I envy you man. Be certain that you are doing nothing wrong. Marry your girlfriend and be happy!
I would say this, pick your 5 dream girls on here. You can bang then whenever you want. I promise you it will get old. You don't have any other problem than the genetics of being a man. The sexiest woman in the world is variety. If you have lots in common, she's your best friend (not the old ball & chain), and if you and her want have kids then keep her! She will jerf off to other guys as you and never forget all of these women are in their prime they will get old and unattractive fact of life
I would say definitely talk to your partner about this, explain what your wants and worries are, and figure it out. Keeping these thoughts to yourself will just increase the distance you feel between you and your partner.
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with meeting your sexual needs, actually it's good for your physical and emotional health to orgasm regularly. I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring muscular women either, and the good news is it sounds like your future wife is ok with it, maybe even slightly into it? I think lots of women wouldn't think twice about a guy preferring fit girls, that's what they usually prefer in guys too. Fit and healthy people tend to be viewed as good mates, strong protective parents, etc.
But she may also have limits in her support. She might be understanding with some of the girls you like but really turned off by others. If she is really fun, maybe she'd be cool with you using videos of your favorite fetish girls as a sex aid. I don't like the most roided out girls on this site, so if I was currently with someone, I'd have to explain that my attraction to fit babes has some limits, and expect they would tell me what they like and I would want to how what she likes so I can better satisfy her.
Your partner may also have fetishes of their own. If you explore their desires, maybe they would return the favor and then both of you will have a more satisfying and intimate love life. She may even find it fun and it could bring you closer together. Maybe your wife even ends up developing a love of working out. Maybe she likes it when you tell her how fit she looks. Maybe she starts to tease you, flexing just to flirt with you. Unlikely, but a man can dream. Or you can both continue to pretend you never have any urges or fetishes to achieve "morality."
Morality is ultimately up to you and what you believe. There is no moral philosophy that is right or wrong, if you practice that philosophy, then it is right to you.
Many people who were concerned about women's morals throughout history have had an agenda to repress those women. It's easy to say women should look thin and frail and dress modestly if you are trying to create a society where men dominate everything. A physically capable woman with a personality of her own is scary for many institutions that call themselves moral authorities that would prefer women "know their place," which is definitely NOT in the weight room. Just something to consider when you are considering which morals to subscribe to.
As long as your future wife and you are attracted to each other and your fetish doesn't get in the way of that, then there's not necessarily a problem here. Really my main worry for you is that you are allowing your morals to deny yourself of who you are. Your brain and body and heart wants what it wants and it's unhealthy to deny or repress your own sexuality. It can lead to all kinds of social or mental health issues. And it's impossible to never be attracted to other women just because you are in a relationship with one. That is just an impossible bar to clear and you should feel zero guilt about that. There is nothing immoral about being sexually attracted to another person, unless you choose to believe that is immoral.
You and your wife need to define what is acceptable in your relationship, and what isn't. You should discuss this, don't accept a morality that isn't authentically yours. Because "morals" may say that you should never look at another woman in a sexual way. But maybe you and your wife both actually believe something less strict. You should find out if your wife truly hates it if you look at other women, or maybe it's not actually a big deal to her. If she looked at another guy in a sexual way, would you be mad at her and consider her immoral, or would you be fine with her having a very normal human response? Is it only cheating if it goes beyond attraction into acting sexually with someone else? It's worth considering what would break your partner's trust. Every couple is different. But looking and acting are very different.
So I think you have a choice here. You can try to ignore and repress who you are and never discuss sex with your wife and have boring, vanilla sex on special occasions, or you can work together to normalize your fetish (and whatever she's into) and let go of the guilt, and simply enjoy each other. Talk to her about it. Talk to some friends about it.
I think I've been there in my past and I can relate. And since I've had a similar experience, I think you might ask yourself how's sex quality with your girlfriend? I mean, are you feeling fully satisfied and the thing is mutual even for her? Just talking about alchemy, chemistry - you don't have to tell us actually, just think about it and be honest with yourself.
In one of my longest past relationship, I was fully opened about my deep attraction for girls muscles. My ex-gf was not looking like girls on GWM but she had some and I was fully attracted by her, we also had a pretty good chemistry. According to her words, she also was ok with my attraction for muscular girls, but inside of her a sense on insecurity was rising up day by day, little by little.
Just as an example: Where I live it was kinda unusual to see muscular girls/women, but one night at a restaurant, a woman came in, sleeveless, with epic sculpted arms and boulders shoulders. It was impossible not to notice her I'm guessing, especially for people "like us", and I can't deny I've been looking at her mesmerized for a while. It was something instinctively happened for just moments but I can tell my ex-gf felt hurted a lot. Nothing serious apparently, but she stated over thinking about the whole thing feeling insecure day by day, despite we immediately clarified.
I told her I was attracted by her and felt the magic while we were together - and it was true - but still, inside of her, she was not feeling good enough for my standards. It was just in her head, really.
What happened is that slowly things started going bad and she started losing self confidence toward our sex. She was like constantly looking around if there were girls with muscles and immediately double checking if I was looking at them eventually, like looking for a confirmation that she was not enough. The magic was broken. I know it can sound offtopic but it's not.
The very first thing I would ask myself into your pants is how genuinely sex is going with her - again, you don't have to tell us - and how deep you think she's really ok with this thing you have for muscles girls.
We all are different so cannot say you're gonna have a similar experience I had but just try to make sure she's really easy with it and especially try to be fully honest with yourself. How much are you forcing yourself to really like her or genuinely are, in order to avoid to find yourself in a situation that will make her feel strange, or insecure, or losing her self confidence. I wish you the best man.
Wow - I did not expect to get this much of a response. It is fantastic to see the different types of responses & be able to take them all with a grain of salt to help me find composure. Once again, thank you all for taking the time to read & leave your 2 cents.
All women are different so this is guessing a little bit, and obviously I don't know exactly what you guys have discussed in terms of what you like, but here's what I'd be thinking given the fact pattern.
1) If you are serious about marrying her, you should be talking about a LOT of things with her and sex is one of them. It's good that she knows and understands (I am not sure what her thinking that it is "cool" really entails, but it's certainly something to work with).
2) What you might could do is turn fitness into something you do together, and I would emphasize attraction to HER body (i.e. I don't just like abs... I like YOUR abs honey"). Maybe you guys already work out together, I don't know, but that's a way to start. Or you could get her to lift a little more seriously with you, or something. You can turn this into a form of play between the two of you that's a closed loop (meaning it's just between you two). Maybe you live the dream and build a muscle girl. Maybe you just get to have fun with her. Either is a good outcome. My wife was weirded out at the thought of working out with me because she knew from the get-go that I'd enjoy it too much. I promised her I'd behave myself and then I behaved like a model citizen... so she relaxed and I got to enjoy it quietly. Softly softly catchee monkey sometimes.
3) My wife knows, and my wife does indulge me from time to time. I prefer not to, but I do go let off steam by myself sometimes, so I understand what you mean. If your true intent is to focus on your wife... focus on your wife. If you enjoy her body and if she's good / giving / game, you've got a lot to work with. You can't vomit this stuff all over her and demand she let you grope her while she flexes every night, but you can quietly enjoy it and play around with each other while you feel out where your boundaries are. Some of this is the art of being happy with what you've been given, and it sounds like you have been given something wonderful, and I'd start from there. If she loves you she'll probably let you enjoy yourself as long as you're respectful of her.
Good luck brother.
I don’t believe anyone can be pure in their attraction to one person. But you can be pure in your devotion. No way to avoid seeing hot women. You have to acknowledge, appreciate and move on, otherwise you’re creating a forbidden fruit scenario that drives obsession.
Im an artist hobbyist and spend a lot of time just looking for beauty and inspiration. That has taught me to appreciate things from a distance. Looking at pictures seems to me a victimless crime. Like smelling flowers or looking at clouds. Why would you let such simple pleasures interfere with your relationship? How are you going to avoid all abs? Never watch olympics, mma, movies?
I think you need to maintain a healthy appreciation. It’s about moderation and sustainability.
I have mentioned this problem to her a few times over time & I still continue to beat myself up about it. She knows I am into women with abs & GWM. She does not care & thinks it is pretty cool. To add a bit extra context, I find her attractive, she is beautiful, fit, works out & has some muscle. However, as she knows & as I know, there is a difference between her body & the women I like on this site. In return, she has a little insecurity & has already mentioned while she doesn't mind, to still keep it to myself.
Couples therapy. You guys have managed to openly communicate, which is VERY GOOD. But maybe you need some help to facilitate more discussion.
If this is being driven by your own self-imposed guilt about thinking it is "immoral" to find other women sexy, that's gonna be self-destructive. You're going to either beat yourself up, or you're going to resent it and end up acting out in the relationship. You need to come to terms with your attractions.
Likewise, your GF has done a good job of communicating, but I can't tell from here what she's asking for. Is she OK with you looking online and masturbating, as long as you don't end up "too tired" for sex with her? If she asking you to not be critical of HER body? Is she feeling insecure? Can you reassure her that you can see the difference between lust for abs, and cheating on your wife, and convince her you don't feel the need to do the latter?
You two need to talk this out. Chances are good you can resolve it. And if you can't, find out now.
Invest in therapy. It's cheap for what you get.
I have traditional marriage views, so that is where I am coming from.
You get one marriage. Well, one at a time anyway. You definitely get one life. You need to decide how much to wanna stay in the comfort of the "traditional views" you've inherited and feel good with, and how much you want to work towards the best marriage you can have with the woman you love. If you're stuck in some rut where you need to be mentally pure and perfect, you're gonna talk yourself out of a good relationship.
Please take this with all the kindness I can put into it: you need to address your guilt problem. There is something that is compelling your behaviour, some past shame or cultural hangup, that is making you second-guess your future wife.
You got some decent advice and you got some bad advice. Surprisingly the first reply was the best.
If you think it's morally wrong, then exercise some willpower and stop doing it. It's genuinely that simple. You have to decide if it's wrong or not and then follow the path that aligns with your moral compass. If you think it's wrong and you keep doing it, then you're either addicted or your morals must not mean much to you if you violate them over something so stupid.
If you got yourself a traditional woman for a traditional family read the above again and implement. No need to spend more time here.
If you want some more advice from a man that has experience with muscle women read some more.
Never ever again discuss this matter with your wife. Let it go, never mention it again. It is your cross to bear. No solution can be offered by her. You are not a snowflake because you like muscular girls. Billions others lust over super models, or pornstars, or big boobs or what ever. Above all else men value novelty. Show me a beautiful woman and I will show you a man who is tired of sleeping with her. There is nothing to discuss or get help from your partner because you are a man and you will always lust a new, younger woman.
I have been with several muscle women, like other men have been with models or actresses, somewhere down the road the novelty of the sex diminishes and if it is the only factor in your relationship, what remains is the bitter realization that such women have "faults" like food obsession, gym obsession, narcissism, messed psychology because of drugs, and other "qualities" that help them achieve their look but are not good for a relationship.
It is hard to receive this advice when you have not been through the experience and you are still thirsty, but the truth is you should have been more urgent to try out your lust and learn from that. The time is upon you and you have to make a choice for a family or do timmiolo's
Easy answer is to just change your morals and go full degenerate
Block this site, your brain will reset, go get a good habit of exercising and nutrition and invite your woman along for better health and sex life. If she is truly traditional she will follow her husband's advice. Never ever force her to compare or know your objects of lust.
Forgot, OP - you may want to seek out men you trust that are in stable marriages and ask them how they deal with communication. Not communicating freely with your wife ends in divorce. My wife and I are watching about half of the couples in our cicle prove that right now. The enduring pairs communicate.
Ovi33 is right, get your brain off the internet and bring the girl with you. You'll be fine.
I too envy you. I can't get to first base with any girl i try to talk to.
After you're married and such and in 20 or so years when the kids are grown up and than start looking at whatever (I see some guys do that but remain faithfull to their wives). Also what the poster above me says go to the gym and try to influence her to do the same.
I was resistant to post this anywhere as I wanted to "man-up" & take responsibility for myself, but sometimes you need a little help.
Short version: I am attracted to female abs & GWM as per this website - but I am in a relationship with the woman I will marry and feel me looking at other women on this website or elsewhere with "lust" is wrong & against my morals.
Long version:
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. We are completely honest with one another & I have mentioned this problem to her a few times over time & I still continue to beat myself up about it. She knows I am into women with abs & GWM. She does not care & thinks it is pretty cool. To add a bit extra context, I find her attractive, she is beautiful, fit, works out & has some muscle. However, as she knows & as I know, there is a difference between her body & the women I like on this site. In return, she has a little insecurity & has already mentioned while she doesn't mind, to still keep it to myself. I respect that & I admit I would be insecure if she liked a particular body I did not have.
Now this is where the issue lies - while we are open about this & respect it. I have mentioned to her before, while everyone is COMPLETELY different with their morals - I find lusting over other women while you have a partner is wrong (difference between being attracted to them & full on lusting over it). I feel guilty about it but it's what I like. As I said before, she is ok with it so this is entirely up to me. I want to give all my lust & attention to her as I love her. I am concerned that if I do not sort this out now - that it may affect our marriage in the future. I have traditional marriage views, so that is where I am coming from.
Please help me address this & put yourself in my shoes. I do not care if your morals do not line up with mine, so please just address the issue at hand here. I am not looking for professional help either - so please do not recommend me to seek a psychologist's advice or something haha!
Thank you for taking the time to read this & I hope you have a good response if you choose. No judgement will be tolerated here as per any community.
Kind regards, - S.