How did you overcome your insecurity about being into buff girls?

Ok so I have been a lurker on this site for years but I finally made an account and figured I would ask a question that only here I would be willing to ask.

So I'm into buff (as is probably obvious) and also tall girls. This has been a thing forever probably started before I was 10 (I'm 21 now), but yet I have never told a single person (besides this forum) about it because I have always been deathly embarrassed to. I'm not so sure why I feel this way, I know it has to do with judgment from others like that they would find it weird and mock me for it and/or that they would think I'm gay, since tall and muscular on seen as "masculine traits".

Anyway I desperately want to get over this stupid insecurity and I realized hey there is whole website full of anonymous people that probably have some experience with this oddly specific issue. I never really looked in the forum side of this site much so IDK how much or if this has been brought up before. But yeah as the title says have any of you overcame this feeling? I'm really curious also on how other people reacted to you telling this to them, good/bad reactions plus anything else you would think would be relevant.

Get a gym membership, learn to lift properly, eat, get some confidence in yourself. Get a muscle girl for yourself.

I think it does not really matter what people think because the only ones who should know that are my girlfriends i have told it to a few women and they where ok with it the only issue is that they May get insecure since it's too hard for them to become muscular

when i told a girl i was sleeping with that i was into muscle and light femdom she was actually releaved since i was very insecure saying something like please don't get weirded out by this and forgive me for even asking so she assumed i was into something really gross and creepy but it was not a big deal at all

and i would also like to say that when i was a teenager i legit thought being into strong women was normal and i would be all submissive to girls and wondering why they did not like it

i remember talking to my friend about what my favorite porn sites where and i said i just watch YouTube and he said but there is no nudity on there and i said i just watch sports and wrestling videos and then i realized that i had a fetish but he wasn't judgemental

and adults will be much more tolerant overall being into muscular women is not illegal and won't have any negative consiquences unless you participate in extreme femdom or something where she injures you but just keep it between you and your girlfriend and maybe your closest friends and it will be fine

Replying to one more: I get that and that is the most common advice for dating in general but that's not really what I was asking at all. I'm not worried about my confidence in talking to girls themselves that's something I can deal with myself. It's instead the insecurity with other people seeing that I have such a uncommon preference that I'm trying get over.

tbh my bro, I play it down like its a normal thing... and nobody has ever thought I was gay.

Ive been out with friends and somebody might say "oh wow look at her she's thick" and im like "bro thick is just another way of saying fat, point me out some gym girls". And I have always said I like a nice fitness looking girl. Its just my style.

Another very important way to look at this.... if every man in the world only liked women with blonde hair.... how would brunettes ever find a husband ? If every man in the world only liked fat girls... who would like the skinny ones. Every single woman is different from one another. Just the same every man has different taste.

Would you laugh at your friend if he liked strawberry ice cream instead of chocolate.... No you wouldn't. It may be an unpopular choice picking strawberry over chocolate... but they obviously manufacture strawberry ice cream because it has a customer base ! People do like it. Just in the same way... these tall and muscular women need people like us. If every man in the world hated a muscular woman... they would be forever single and if anything it would actually be quite sexist if we as men condemned woman from lifting weights or being 7 inches taller.

We all need to be different and we all need to have different tastes otherwise this world wouldn't work. Plain and simple. It is simply how God designed us.

Not something to be ashamed of at all.

I get that and that is the most common advice for dating in general but that's not really what I was asking at all. I'm not worried about my confidence in talking to girls themselves that's something I can deal with myself. It's instead the insecurity with other people seeing that I have such a uncommon preference that I'm trying get over.

I didn't 😆

@basedOne

Thanks for stating your age, it does give us context.

This hasn't been a problem for me for a long time, and it seems to be something must of us "grow" out of (the insecurity) eventually. I basically at some point just stopped caring what other people thought about what I was into. I didn't get into fights with people or lose friends over it, and I realized I was making a big deal out of something that really wasn't.

As far as being afraid of your friends thinking you're "gay," you have to decide whether you value their friendship or your ability to free yourself from their potential scrutiny. Again, in my experience it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We're all still friends and even though they might not understand it, they know it's what I'm into and that's enough.

tbh my bro, I play it down like its a normal thing... and nobody has ever thought I was gay.

Ive been out with friends and somebody might say "oh wow look at her she's thick" and im like "bro thick is just another way of saying fat, point me out some gym girls". And I have always said I like a nice fitness looking girl. Its just my style.

Another very important way to look at this.... if every man in the world only liked women with blonde hair.... how would brunettes ever find a husband ? If every man in the world only liked fat girls... who would like the skinny ones. Every single woman is different from one another. Just the same every man has different taste.

Yeah this is true I logically agree its just a matter of making my mind actually believe this.

This hasn't been a problem for me for a long time, and it seems to be something must of us "grow" out of (the insecurity) eventually. I basically at some point just stopped caring what other people thought about what I was into.

Glad it eventually goes away but I'm getting far too frustrated. I want to have some romantic experiences before I finish collage. I waisted/missed any opportunity thus far and I'm not getting any younger. I would say even if I doesn't lead to me getting a muscular girl (from what I have read here you not likely finding one unless you lift yourself) the effects could only be positive to my confidence and mental state.

Glad it eventually goes away but I'm getting far too frustrated. I want to have some romantic experiences before I finish collage.

That would be nice, and I'm sure most of us who have been to college feel the same. There's no real time limit on such a thing, and you shouldn't feel pressured to rush into it.

I waisted/missed any opportunity thus far and I'm not getting any younger.

That's a defeatist mentality and your own perspective is the only thing holding you back. At 21 you still practically have your entire life ahead of you!

I would say even if I doesn't lead to me getting a muscular girl (from what I have read here you not likely finding one unless you lift yourself) the effects could only be positive to my confidence and mental state.

You seem to be placing a lot of value on finding a muscular girl, for the sake of your own mental well being. I don't know how many girls you've dated up to this point, but I get the impression that at the very least you haven't dated in a long time. It might do you some good to put yourself out there, and some female companionship might be all you need for the time being. She doesn't have to be muscular, does she?

It might do you some good to put yourself out there, and some female companionship might be all you need for the time being. She doesn't have to be muscular, does she?

I mean I was just keeping that a point cuz its the whole topic of this site. But no I don't require it, I find plenty of non muscular girls attractive. I would say the only odd standard I would have would be that it would be hard to be attracted to a girl that is shorter than me but its fairly common since I'm only 5'6 and the national average is 5'4. But yeah I really need to expose myself to more people in the first place definitely agree on that.

I would say even if I doesn't lead to me getting a muscular girl (from what I have read here you not likely finding one unless you lift yourself) the effects could only be positive to my confidence and mental state.

To be honest, if youre a confident man and reasonably good looking and youre interesting and a girl feels a connection with you.... you can get any girl you want ! muscular or not. But obviously some of these muscular women do set a bar themselves that they won't give the time or day to a guy that doesn't have the same interests. Being in that game definitely gives you a competetive edge. I wouldn't even say you would have to be a muscular machine yourself.... just as long as youre in the gym and trying to get the gains you won't have an issue.

When youre older you will realise how normal it is and how easy it is to pull chicks. They want attention from males ! trust me they do.

Just don't be a creeper. Be a friend firstly. be funny and playful etc. show that youre not a dick and you don't just wanna fuck her kinda thing.

Yeah I think your age helps reference this issue many have faced. I think you are probably through the most challenging stage socially with this where other men herd together to form a group opinion versus a friend group having diverse individual opinions.

As someone else pointed out the way you frame this will help. I am always one to bring up in discussions a fit gym chick versus the skinny chicks my friends may point out. My go-to comment is I don't want a chick i can break i want her to be able to go 9 rounds with me.

Your 20s are physically a great time but can be very hard emotionally. If you're in the West, you're still just striking out on your own and trying to find your way in life: hobbies, career, romance, etc.

Like most of the things you--and all 20-year olds--are insecure about, you'll grow out of them eventually if you're not closed off, emotionally.

Part of that comes from failure and picking yourself up again and rebuilding better; part of it comes from being vulnerable with people that matter to you; part of it comes from the realization that most people are too busy with their own hang-ups to even notice or really care about your perceived flaws.

And for the buff girl thing in particular, ask yourself when you decided to be attracted to them. You didn't. Just like chubby chasers didn't choose to be into fat women, "normal" guys never chose to be into "normal" women, gay people never chose to be into gay people. Gay, straight, bi, it doesn't matter what you are; just be 'you' and enjoy it.

Also, the only difference about sex and relationships with muscular women is that they are buff. They are still women,still flawed human beings like the rest of us, not some mythical being to be put up on a pedestal. Don't get me wrong, the sex can be amazing and the level of attraction is immense. You should consider it a bucket list thing if it is what you are into.

But don't let your desire for a really jacked girlfriend stop you from having meaningful relationships with "normal" women around you. You never know, they might start going to the gym after you tell them about your fetish.

Enjoy your 20s, travel, focus on your career, your hobbies, self-acceptance and self-improvement--turn yourself into an attractive partner for any woman and just maybe some buff girl will walk into your life at just the right time and blow your world.

I grew up. Pretty much in my early 20s I stopped caring about other people's opinions on what I liked.

Far fewer people than you realize give a shit that you are attracted to buff women. It’s one of those things where it’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

The only time I have ever witnessed guys in general being looked down upon and shamed for being attracted to muscular women is when they act like complete creeps towards buff women. Of course, my emperical evidence isn’t universal truth, but in general that’s the main factor behind those who shame “schmoes,” for lack of a better word.

And with whatever you do and however you present yourself, do it with CONFIDENCE. The way that you come across sometimes matters the most. If you come across as secure in what you are attracted to, you’ll more than likely be met with more positive reception versus if you come across as nervous and insecure.

Don't hide your interest in buff women. Let it hang out a little, wear a t-shirt or something that shows your interest. Then, you might meet a woman who is attracted to you and already is, or may want to be, like that. If someone is stupid enough to put you down for your interest, ask them what they are into, and whatever it is, just say, "Oh, that sounds really boring."

Whatever you do, don't approach her if you have nothing better to say than "boing."

(inside joke for those familiar with this site)

I'm one of the oldest guys on this site. Consequently, growing up in the archaic society I had to deal with many years ago, telling ANYONE I was attracted to muscular females was complete and utter taboo. As I got older however, not only did I find there were others like myself but incredibly, I wound up marrying a strong, muscular woman. Being able to share my attraction with others and in my case, my muscular wife, eased any fears I had. Also, although my wife was also pretty, it was her muscles that intrigued and infatuated my male friends. They all envied me...not because she was pretty but they thought her hard body was very hot. If all my friends thought muscles on a woman was hot....I had no trouble admitting I loved the buff look too. I do understand your apprehension...but embrace your love for buffed women. It will eventually feel very natural.

I still haven't.

I always was ashamed of my love for buff women and so I never went after muscular girls as I thought I would get made fun of. But once I graduated high school there was this girl I had a crush on for the longest time because she was very muscular, and I finally decided to ask her out. It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. I decided to tell my friends about it and they all made fun of me but I didn’t care anymore. That was one of the best decisions I ever made and eventually my friends stopped joking about it.

I was like you for such along time and I only overcame my insecurities in the last 7/8 years. I'm 37 for context.For me it was from an internet friend. I had a girl over from couch surfing and we kept in touch on facebook. in time we became good friends online. Then one day I thought why not share my secret with her. She lived in another country and there is very low chance we meet again. Plus she doesn't have access to my be friends or family, so they can never know. Even if she is grossed out by it we can stop talking on Facebook. Not a big loss.

To my surprise she was very open about it. And encouraged me a lot. It gave me a lot of confidence. Whenever I saw some hot fbb in gwm, I shared it with her and she always responded in good words. It helped me got over my insecurities. she also started working out more and used to send me progress pics. Also motivated me to go-to the gym more. We had a lot of fun when I found Paige Sandgren. Their faces were a lot alike , especially with glasses. I joked to her that she needs to go-to her level

My secret is still a secret but because of her, it's kind of an open secret. I don't shy away from following and liking fitness posts on social media. I also started interacting here on gwm. I have shared the secret with some friends and my wife after this but the response were negative. But because of my friend I didn't get discouraged and got over their reactions.

Worst was from my wife. I know people say you need to be open with your significant other but the significant other also needs to have an open mind. I would recommend to get to know her well before you share.

Anyway that was my story of how I got rid of my gwm insecurities

So I’m 23 so I’ve very close to your age, and for me it did take me a long time to be comfortable in the fact that muscle on a woman was something I’m into. For me at least it was when I talked about my attraction to a therapist. I let the cat out of the bag that way, and I remember when I did announce it. I wanted to throw up because of embarrassment; however, my therapist was like it’s not illegal or dangerous so I was fine to be attracted to them.

So then I did tell a friend group of mine. I told a mostly female friend group of mine because my therapist said I don’t have to be embarrassed by what I’m attracted to. And yeah my friends were very supportive to me. They did ask questions about it, but I have done muscle worship sessions before so I also spilled the beans on that.

Ever since I’ve just accepted that a few people know that I like muscular women. Plus I’ve become less sneaky about hiding it. Like I live in Pittsburgh, where a bodybuilding show happens like once a year. So I do see some muscular women once a year just around the city. And I stop and look lol. But yeah that’s how some friends of mine found out as well.

So that’s my take on the situation. Hopefully it helps in anyway.

I'm 33, about 10 years ago I stopped caring about what people think. I started posting photos and videos of muscular women on my Facebook and Instagram. Now, everybody knows I like muscular women. Hell even a few of my co-workers know lol

I'm 33, about 10 years ago I stopped caring about what people think. I started posting photos and videos of muscular women on my Facebook and Instagram. Now, everybody knows I like muscular women.

💪👍

Never had any. Grew up with a "tomboy" sister. :)