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Live alone, not dating anyone, and I’m very content. Used to be like you. Very depressed. It’s really just a matter of perspective. Focus on yourself. Try and get a good job or find hobbies that you enjoy and get good at them. Just have to focus on gradual self improvement whatever that may be. Self improvement is the best way to get out of depression. Can be small things like organizing your space, getting good at an artistic hobby, etc. Make effort at your job. Make somebody’s day better. All the simple stuff adds up the same way the small negatives do. Most importantly, stop focusing on the things you have no control over and focus on the areas where you do.
If it makes you feel better I’m kind of the same. I only have a preference for muscular women too. I'm happy and content being by myself. I have a ton of hobbies that I love doing. I want a relationship to add positivity to my life. I’ve seen from people I know how being in a bad relationship can get. It’s not pretty… So much drama… So much stress…
Yeah I can relate to some of that.
For what it's worth, Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has been very helpful to me, and I'm a person who has tried everything you can think of. The #1 game changer for me was Alcoholics Anonymous, the #2 is DBT. The 12 steps of AA apply to anyone, drinking problem or not.
The TL;DR here is radical acceptance.
P.S. if you decide to pursue DBT, do a REAL DBT program, not some therapist who has "DBT" in a long list of bulletpoints. A real Linehan DBT program is 6 months of outpatient therapy, about 3 hours a week. It's a commitment, but it is life-changing if you lean into it and apply what they teach.
If you don’t like lifting and bodybuilding, then I suggest finding some other physical activity and committing to it. Maybe running, martial arts, spartan races, cycling, something that you can do CONSISTENTLY.
Also, when push comes to shove, if you really want to get with a muscular woman, you’re going to need to do put yourself in environments where they can meet you. You might not be thrilled about lifting, but you probably HAVE to. You can’t just fall into this cycle of being sad that you’re not with a female bodybuilder when you’re not really doing anything, or even want to do anything, that will help you with meeting them.
Finally, have you thought about reaching out to the dudes who are in relationships with bodybuilders? Message damagecontrol, or HighProtein (Tammy Kearn’s husband.) But if they are gracious enough to give your advice, it would behoove you to actually follow it.
Have you watched this helpful YouTube video??
It's only a few minutes long but I think is quite helpful in shifting your mindset from passivity to action.
Lots of good advice in this thread. The way out of the depression-dopamine cycle is well-hashed at this point, but to reiterate (1) men and women have lived full and even heroic lives without any romantic entanglements; often people just bring whatever baggage they had when single into them and settle back to their baseline after a short while. It is not the ticket to contentment. (2) You need to connect with nature. Connect with other people. Connect with a higher power. Ideally all three, but even one will do. People are NOT lying when they say there is tremendous healing in nature; it sounds woo-woo but it is just factual. (3) You need to get a hobby. Something you can seriously pour your energy into. Become an expert at ONE thing you like. Treat it like it's your MISSION to hoard that skill or that knowledge. It (4) Hold yourself to a schedule. Have a routine beyond work. Be consistent in your commitments. (5) Get SLEEP. This is NON-TRIVIAL. (6) Get EXERCISE, it does not need to be weightlifting. Cycling, rowing, walking. A little bit every day. Not to become attractive, but to become whole. (7) Lose the weight. This is largely a diet thing. You will feel better when you do. That's the 'why bother' of it. Not for women and not for other men. For yourself. (8) Do not in any circumstance give up. Your life almost certainly touches people in ways you have no idea of.
Im at the stage i dont even see the point of keep trying. Why go on? I keep trying to lsoe weight and fail because it feels pointless.
Have you tried having an enormous penis?
Other solutions here have focused on weight loss and self care, but have you considered the alternative approach of just having a really really big penis instead?
That way you could manage feelings of isolation or loneliness by consoling yourself with it. So for example if you approached a muscular woman and she made it clear that she had no desire to speak you could just casually reply "That's ok. Sorry for disturbing you. I have an inconveniently large penis, by the way." Which would leave you feeling more positive and in control of the encounter.
You could even use it as a conversation starter and/or icebreaker at places like the gymnasium, where you are most likely to meet muscular women. So you might say something like "Hello. I see that you are using the leg press machine. No doubt that is why you have such large quadriceps. I have an unusually large penis, sometimes I struggle to get my hand around it. Would you like to see it? as a way to initiate a conversation on a subject of mutual interest.
Obviously you shouldn't get your penis out in the middle of the gym unless the woman in question asks you to. But I assume that goes without saying.
I haven't read someone else opción on this but I can tell you two things. One is that Idk your condition but I have thought about getting old and one thing that I would like to try when I'm old is to take roids, may not be the best advice but if you really don't care that much I think it's something that even can help you with your mood. Of course that you have to be very well inform and try to do it with professional assistance, not to be a bodybuilder but to build a nice body. Also I am not saying that you're old, you still have a long way and I think it would be nice keep trying. I have seen even 60 yo women with really nice bodies and also couples where the guy is like 60 yo and the girl is like 30, 35, etc. You know what I mean. Also try to get some money, I think you didn't mention your economic situation but you know is important to have some money on the pocket. You have to go to the gym. That's a must, the reason is obvious. And also idk your country but there even places where you can pay to get a worship sesion. The thing is that there's still a lot of option and you have to be open about life in general. Also don't force it, don't be desperate, if it happens, happens
I just read some of the comments and I think the main topic is about not been a gym bro jaja. I will repeat some of the things that other already said. Firstly is that you have to learn to love yourself, it's hard, it could be difficult to learn that but you have to begin for something simple, do things for yourself, be a little bit selfish and think about what you want and what you need. Treat your body with respect and accept yourself. Man haven't you seen the photos here of really jacked girls dating fat guys??? Money is also important but I think that's very obvious. And another thing is that you may think that what you're saying is you but not. You have your thoughts and your opinions but that's not you, that's your code, that's what you think you believe. I recommend you to check about neuroplasticity, it's something real. The thing is that your brain is like a computer a you can change the program. Of course that with age is more difficult to do it by yourself so you need a hard experience to achieve something like that. One way that people do it is by taking mushrooms, this has to be done by a chamán or a specialist on a clinic. Basically you reset your brain and can teach yourself to do stuff that you want to do. People use it to treat addiction or depression.
I know my advise is a little bit radical but I really hope that can help you, and like you said if you don't care so much about life I really think you should try new stuff
Btw there is so many other options if you don't like to take shrooms, also you can do yoga, a shower of gong or Tibetan bowls. And also there is a thing call something like sensorial depravation thank, idk if it's well written. Basically it's like a coffin with Kepler salt and water where you float and that makes you go into trance. You can find those on spas because people use them to relax but also can be a very powerful experience
Anyone struggle with it?
Its kind of ruined my life. Had it since 14, 42 now.
Never had a relationship. Partly on me as im only really interested in muscular women physically. I tried to date non muscular but resented it and there was no attraction or desire to be physical. And i ultimately felt shitty like i was using someone as a placeholder. So dating never worked out.
I got fat too. I hate exercise and i feel like ive give up on life. I dont care if i die. But weirdly i love my own company but also wanted a relationship badly. I cant explain how that works but its just how i am.
But muscular women only like muscular men and since i dont want that look even if i didnt find lifting tedious is meh.
I basically feel life is just a pointless waste. Liking muscular women also made my life hardee than it needed to be. I tried so hard not to as well but normal women just never could compare. Its not about porn either before someone mentions that, i dont even like porn.
Im at the stage i dont even see the point of keep trying. Why go on? I keep trying to lsoe weight and fail because it feels pointless. Im doing it primarily to meet someone fit but i dont feel the desire to do it for myself no matter how much i try to lie to myself
Sad deal and,I guess I have parallel struggles. One possible route out of your present predicament might be participation in the legal side of the sex industry--bars where strippers perform as dancers but there is no actual sex, strictly legal. Some bars have occasional very athletic women and watching them perform and especially flex for you could provide a very pleasant outlet, one that could raise your spirits. Many are proud of their muscles and love flexing, and I suspect this outlet might help inspire you to take better care of yourself and eventually find a woman sexually attractive to you and vise versa. And, by the way, I've discovered a number of women in this line of work that are quite decent human beings and worthy of respect. Doesn't mean you could end up dating one of them, just saying you're not really doing anything terrible by supporting them In this way. Many seem to respond well to my sincere compliments about their bodies and personalities.
I think that the most effective thing that you can do is to start a thread on the internet seeking advice and attention from well meaning strangers. Then declare that none of it will work for you because you don't like the gym and just ignore the lot.
Then you can make another thread just like it in a couple of weeks time.
trying to use relationships and sex as a way to avoid depression is probably not the best way to solve the issue.
Here is a radical thought but based on personal experience. About 10 years ago, I had a middle aged woman neighbor who slowly descended into severe depression and alcoholism. She was taking the most powerful antidepressants known at that time, seeing psychiatrists and nothing seemed to work. She eventually even lost her job. It’s a sad story that gets worse. One day, I see her on the street and she tells me she’s going to have brain surgery. Turns out, her ophthalmologist suspected something was wrong since her vision couldn’t focus during a routine eye exam. She ended up having her head scanned and they found a tumor that was affecting her behavior as well as her vision. She was upbeat before the surgery and hopeful. Sadly she died during the operation.
This experience has made me feel very cynical towards psychiatric professionals. There are a few learnings here. Obviously, chronic severe depression could have a physical basis that cannot be treated by meds or self improvement strategies. You or a family member need to help you rule that out first. Getting your head scanned or an EEG may also help pinpoint the areas of affected brain function. Some meds may help if specifically tailored to your neurological problem. Then, much of the other advice about behavioral therapy and self improvement is valid and helpful.
We all live in a stressful world. Everyone needs to be vigilant about their mental and spiritual health similarly to physical health.
Here is a radical thought but based on personal experience. About 10 years ago, I had a middle aged woman neighbor who slowly descended into severe depression and alcoholism. She was taking the most powerful antidepressants known at that time, seeing psychiatrists and nothing seemed to work. She eventually even lost her job. It’s a sad story that gets worse. One day, I see her on the street and she tells me she’s going to have brain surgery. Turns out, her ophthalmologist suspected something was wrong since her vision couldn’t focus during a routine eye exam. She ended up having her head scanned and they found a tumor that was affecting her behavior as well as her vision. She was upbeat before the surgery and hopeful. Sadly she died during the operation.
This experience has made me feel very cynical towards psychiatric professionals. There are a few learnings here. Obviously, chronic severe depression could have a physical basis that cannot be treated by meds or self improvement strategies. You or a family member need to help you rule that out first. Getting your head scanned or an EEG may also help pinpoint the areas of affected brain function. Some meds may help if specifically tailored to your neurological problem. Then, much of the other advice about behavioral therapy and self improvement is valid and helpful.
We all live in a stressful world. Everyone needs to be vigilant about their mental and spiritual health similarly to physical health.
That's why psychiatrists are MDs. They go to medical school. Thecdoc was too narrowly focused on drugs,I would say.
Are you serious? When I go out irl I only find like 5-10% attractive at most. There is a lot of slop out there