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I think that's just how most straight women are wired. There are some exceptions, a few women here and there whose partners happen to not be remarkably big, but those are rare. Most muscular women prefer having a partner who is a lot bigger or stronger than them.
I remember watching a vid of Jen Thompson benching her husband and one of the comments said something like "haha I bet you outbench your husband" and she was like "nope, he benches way more than me". From what I remember her husband didn't look like a big guy, so I was a bit surprised by her comment. You should know that Jen Thompson holds the world record for her weight category; she benches 320 lbs (145 kg) @ 150 lbs (68 kg).
While there are of course women out there who prefer being smaller than their male partner, I believe that the reason that a good number of female bodybuilders end up with male bodybuilders is due to the practicalities behind the environment that they are mostly in. Bodybuilding takes up a ton of time and if you are competitive, it very well becomes your identity. Since bodybuilders are always at the gym, and since non-bodybuilders don't understand how strict the lifestyle can be, it's no surprise that the majority of their friends and romantic partners are also bodybuilders.
Hell, I have seen threads on subreddits and fitness boards from women asking for advice about being on a prep with a non-bodybuilding significant other and it's common to talk about how challenging it is. They NEVER mention a lack of attraction or things like "it's weird that I am muscular and he isn't!" and instead talk about schedules, how hard it is to go out on date nights, and how much of a strict routine that they have to follow.
But in conclusion, not all women have a want to be smaller than their male partner. Hell, from many strength athletes that I personally know (I mean in person through me being in the strength community,) many of them have told me they had no qualms about being bigger or stronger. Rather, they want someone who is also fit and dedicated at the gym, or at least understanding of the lifestyle.
I agree with what's being said. Women are not a monolith, but a lot of women are wired that way even the bodybuilders. Bodybuilders that are indifferent still will want someone associated with the lifestyle. I can say that from experience - The bodybuilder I dated we genuinely connected over the lifestyle which makes sense.
What was notable to me maybe was this time around with someone that doesn't lift is that desire to be small probably being one of the main reasons she doesn't lift at all. I'm also not the limiter because she could reach her natural limit or even an enhanced limit and I'd still be bigger than her. I'm okay with it but it was interesting to hear considering I've always just assumed it and never heard it expressed out loud by any of my partners. Especially the few I've had without high muscularity.
many of them have told me they had no qualms about being bigger or stronger. Rather, they want someone who is also fit and dedicated at the gym, or at least understanding of the lifestyle.
If that is so, then that's good news. I'm personally someone who enjoys sports - if I can't train at the gym for some reason I do calisthenics at home or at the park, I play basketball with my friends, I love swimming, etc. But I will never be as big as Eddie Hall or as strong as Julius Maddox simply because I wasn't born with a frame that could support that.
I had a very muscular FBB tell me that she liked my height because it made her feel small. It's an odd dichotomy. On one hand they're dedicating their entire life, and their health to a certain extent, to become one of the most muscular women in the world. But, on the other hand they still have a strong desire to feel small. I never really understood how those two could coincide, but somehow they do.
Unfortunately, it's a bit of a turn-off for me. I want a woman who embraces her size and strength, even if it's superior to mine.
It seems like that to most strong women sexuality is not a motivation. so you have a lot of submissive women who just have more motivation for random reasons. maybe genetics or random life events. while there are more dominant women who just don't have the motivation to work out a lot and take steroids . it's really hard for women to become muscular .usually just having a fetish does not give you enough motivation to become this hard core with fitness. it takes more and sometimes the genetics hold her back. we are attracted to a very rare type of woman
I have dated a lot of 'supersize' women over the course of two decades. As attractive as I find (certain, off-season) bodybuilders, I gravitate towards the natural-genetics large woman. 6-foot and up, usually 250-300 labs. They are out there and they're strong even if it's just from moving their own big bodies around. One of them was even a powerlifter.
But only one out of probably at least 10 was ever comfortable in her own skin. For whatever veneer of confidence they had on the surface, they didn't like being bigger than most guys. They would "settle" for dating a guy a little shorter, but if I ever said something like "mmm, I love how thick and strong your back feels" it was like a record-scratch moment. "WHAT?! Why would you say that to me?!" then maybe some crying.
Only ONE of these types ever enjoyed her size. She's extremely feminine and traditional in 99% of situations, but in the bedroom she really gets off on being told something like that. She'll even ask me to tell her "she's big" before she explodes.
BUT sometimes we'll do a little fantasy stuff and she'll say she like the idea of a huge 6'8" bodybuilding dude. So that hardwiring is definitely strong.
Most women, including muscular women want to feel small in some way. Normally the guy has to be more muscular and taller- height is the most common for physical traits, that's for all types of women, which is now a running joke as of course what's considered tall has in inch added to it every 5 years. But there are a multitude of ways a woman can have that safe and reassuring 'small' feeling with a man.
My ex was a pretty serious lifter, she was peak natty I would say, very good muscle building genetics. She was the classic had a bad breakup and then went full and hard into the gym and meticulously stuck to a progressive overload workout plan. Most people on this site would say she's on something. She had bigger quads than me and slightly better shoulder to waist ratio. But she didn't mind that as I was first and foremost taller than her, I'm 6ft, she's 5'4. And I have more muscle overall, bigger back, arms, pecs etc - so she was okay with having bigger quads and a better delt-ratio than me. She also felt smaller in other ways, I owned my own property, she rented (like most people my age), I drove - she didn't, I'm slightly older, I'm more 'conventionally' attractive and also I was more 'mentally' dominant too.
I know we're not cavemen any more, but they just simply cannot deny their hardwiring. You have to be able to dominate them in some or multiple ways, unless of course they are toying with the idea that they can be the dominant one, that's extremely rare, and potentially they're bi or lesbian etc, but that's unlikely to work out. All these things really matter to a muscular woman. And if you're natty like me, it's incredibly important if you want to date muscular women, you have to be 'more' than them in other areas of life to counteract not being a roided beast, but of course get as big as you naturally can too.
My girlfriend told me this yesterday after I asked why she likes me picking her up. And look I understand this - I think even extremely muscular women have this desire and that's why they date bigger men. Now I'm a fairly big guy ~6'0 195 and I love bodybuilding myself so I'm pretty lean and have been lifting consistently for about 10 years now so I'm on average more muscular than even most female bodybuilding divisions. Even in the past I've dated a bodybuilder, a muscular track athlete and hooked up with a couple of bodybuilders that have commented on my body. But my girlfriend now (although extremely conventionally attractive, skinny but very little muscle) doesn't lift at all. And with someone like that I think the comment feels different. Interested in how others have thought through this.