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> so i will say this, and this is pretty vulnerable: > > i've spent a lot of time examining myself in this regard, and one of my deepest fears is being unwanted. So it's not the type of fetish that is the issue, but getting (paying for) attention from women that i haven't been getting normally. so now my issue is that i fear i'm not worth that kind of attention from women i'm actually interested in, and i've been sabotaging myself. it's going to take some work and risk to revert this.
The ability to be this honest and open is exactly what a lot of amazing women are looking for
Thanks Mike
yeah i just need to get to that point lmao
a friend just got married and we had a long conversation about this, where he felt he had the need to be open about his history with porn (and she was of course generally aware that most men are watching something at some point) but that was after their engagement lol i know the timing won't be the same for everyone but i'm sometimes a little too honest about myself in the first few dates, and it's usually not even something that personal.
No, but it honestly was a bit of a growing process.
I am attracted to muscular women, and for a good chunk of my single and dating life, that was what I was primarily looking for. Yeah, I was also looking for someone who shared similar values as I did and had good personality traits, but I fully admit, having muscular arms and legs pretty much bumped a woman instantly up even if they were lacking in pretty much everything else. Not surprisingly, this led me to getting burned quite a few times.
I got some great advice from some very good friends of mine (I'm pretty open about my preference for buff women) who sat me down and basically told me that if all I was looking for in a partner was muscularity, that it could very well end up being a lonely life. For one, as we have talked about in other forums, "muscular" women are relatively rare. Also, thinking only with my fetish would be a huge turnoff for the women who actually are muscular (and yes, I have personally encountered that when I was younger and not as "wise.") And finally, nothing in life is guaranteed. You could be dating someone who is physically buff and strong, and they get into an accident or have an illness that completely strips away what they looked like. If the only think you liked them for was their looks, then what do you have after that?
I've learned to emphasize things in a partner that were more important than simply if they have muscles or not. And in the process, I "learned" to find other physical aspects in a partner that aren't muscles attractive. Let me add that I believe that attraction isn't a choice. You can't will yourself to like something that you have no attraction to or lose attraction to something that you find hot. But in my case, me obsessing with finding a muscular partner for so long pretty much blinded me on all the other things that I DO find physically and mentally attractive beyond being muscular. And as a result, I later found my now-girlfriend.
She is a CrossFitter like me, and I found that living an active lifestyle, regardless of whether someone was built or not, as far more important than looks themselves. And there is so much about her that I love that I am sure I made my friends sick of how much I talk about her lol. Unfortunately, she has had some health issues pop up and hasn't been able to work out at the level that she used to (though she is recovering and is working on getting back there) and has gained a lot of weight (thyroid issue,) but honestly, it doesn't matter to me. I still like muscular women, but as I matured and learned more about myself, I learned to focus on what is most important, and even if she was never able to work out again, I would still be there. Hell, you could have someone like Lauren Fisher throw herself at me and tell me all I had to do to get with her is to leave my girlfriend, and without hesitation I would tell her no.
This question really spoke to me because for a long time I was worried about this very topic. I also felt so much guilt and shame, not in actually liking muscular women, but in complaining about struggles with dating when I had such a picky criteria. But with some self-reflection ad personal introspection, along with maturing and being COMPLETELY open with my girlfriend (she knows I like buff women,) I find myself much happier and feel more fulfilled than I ever have.
...along with maturing and being COMPLETELY open with my girlfriend (she knows I like buff women,) I find myself much happier and feel more fulfilled than I ever have.
Agreed. Honesty is almost always the best policy.
To other users, it's not something you have to be upfront with them about, and it's not something to hide away from them either like a dead body. If it happens to come up in conversation like she wants to know what turns you on, just tell her the truth. Be confident and not weird about it, because otherwise it'll just end up weirding her out.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Over the years I've had partners who practically rejected me over my fetish, and others who were actually turned on by it. I'm currently not in a relationship, and from experience looking for a bisexual woman who digs gwm. It's more common than you might think, and if other things in the relationship are good, the sex can be off the scale with shared fantasies. As far as dating a gwm, I did in my twenties (I'm now in my 50's) when I was still in great shape. The shared fantasies I have learned to have with girlfriends compare very favourably to actual sex with a gwm, and the intimacy they can create is something I cherish. A word of caution tho: Make sure your partner is secure with being implicitly compared to a beautiful gwm. If she needs to be told she's the sexiest, then it's obvious where the attempt at shared fantasies will lead, and what happens to the relationship could be the end of it. In other words, if you value your partner more than the fantasies, don't throw the relationship away if she's insecure about looks.
No. The biggest problem I have in terms of having a relationship is actually me. Part of it I am more of an introvert so confidence is hard for me to build up and part of it has been due to interactions that have gone horribly wrong and caused me to be very selective in who I would interact with, or not be bothered altogether.
I'm in the same boat with akamrc too about being more shy and introvert and confidence. Also not having a steady income.
I am talking to someone but she put in her 2 weeks notice as a receptionist at the gym I am going to. I don't care if she's muscular or not (or anyone i find attractive). This doesn't run my life.
Given that my last relationship was with a guy - NOT a bodybuilder by any means! — it really hasn’t affected my life that much. No, I don’t date or even go out as much as I used to, but that’s more a matter of aging and lowering testosterone than anything else.
I had to do a lot of work on myself, but no. Married, very happy, loving relationship, super sexy wife who's open to experimenting. Before this I was in a long term relationship with a very fit and sporty girlfriend, 10 years. So ultimately no. Porn is a destroyer of intimacy and it creates expectation and normalises unhelpful and unhealthy behaviour.
yes, sure. On many aspect, I am pretty "vertical", I am not attracted by the classic beauties, slim with no muscles or barely, as much as I am not attracted by bodybuilders types as well. I like next door girls with some visible muscles, and possibly big biceps, even more, I need them to feel themselves attractive because of their muscles. Like, in intimacy, I need my partner to know that her muscles drives me crazy. It's a very very rare mix of things that all together seems to be almost impossible to find. I tried to lie myself in my young age and for many years, but our nature is our nature and you can't fake it. I'm middle age now and peacefully living this thing since I've been working on it but yeah, it affected many relationships or opportunities that for "regular" people would have been working.
My wife is like this. She loves that her muscles drive me crazy. She flex and make me feel somewhat hidden in public just to erouse me. Love it. Bicep in particular.
For me, it hasn't hurt my marriage (married 20 years now). I've never told her to the extent that I really like strong/muscular women, but she's very aware that I like that she's stronger than average. She's not stronger than me, but she's not a weakling.
That said, I don't know how unique my situation is, but I really see my fetish as simply a fantasy. That is, I'm actually fairly traditional and see myself as the "man of the house". So, I actually wouldn't really want to be with a woman who would be able to overpower me, looks bigger/taller/stronger than me, etc. Though, that's exactly what I'd want as a fantasy.
I think that if I were single, I might've considered doing sessions just to live out that fantasy, but too late for that now. When I was single, I was a young and broke so I couldn't afford it. But now that I've got money, I would consider it cheating to act on my fantasy. Because I know if I ever did it, I'd forever regret it afterwards.
En mi caso me gustan con músculos y fuerza sin ser culturistas o forzudas..hay chicas que entrenan y otras que sin atléticas y fuertes por genética!!!es por ahí...y luego le comentas tu fetiche..si le gustas y te quiere pueden hacer jueguitos y quizás entrenar juntos!!!es como un hombre que le gusten las lilas y salga con una chata...nooo..lo más complicado es parar con la paja...les habla un cincuentón felizmente casado hace 20 años con una hermosa cuarentona fuerte y fibrosa por naturaleza que entraba tranki pero me encanta!!
In my case I like them with muscles and strength without being bodybuilders or strong... there are girls who train and others who are not athletic and strong due to genetics!!! It's that way... and then you tell them your fetish... if they like you and He loves you, they can play little games and maybe train together!!! It's like a man who likes lilacs and dates a girl...nooo...the most complicated thing is to stop with the handjob...this is a man in his fifties who has been happily married for a long time. 20 years old with a beautiful forty-something, strong and fibrous by nature, who was calm but I love it!!
Intimacy has only been a challenge for me, if my partner is not at least somewhat buff. I have honestly had to fantasize about a muscular woman, during sex, to get aroused, when the woman was non-muscled.
I think I was just wired this way. I don't think of it as a fetish. Ever since I was about 7 years old, muscles on a female captured my full attention, imagination and interest.
Not at all for me.
I'm extremely particular in my attractions. I always have been. I most prefer some amount of visible muscle, but it's not mandatory. I always want minimal bodyfat and decent muscle tone. I'm always looking at the total package. I need to be physically attracted, and also find her attractive on the inside.
I've tried to ignore my need for physical attraction a few times, and it doesn't work. But more than anything, I need to feel that rare spark of mutual chemistry. Without that, there's no long term potential.
I seem to attract a decent number of women... the question is if they manage to attract me in return... muscles or not.
Basically, I go for quality over quantity, and I'm just fine with that.