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An aspiring female bodybuilder worked for me occasionally as a free-lance writer. This was long before the Me Too movement -- in fact, sexual harassment in the workplace wasn't even a big issue then. She was the ex-wife of a former University of Michigan football star and a spectacular beauty. I knew she worked out hard every evening.
Twice, she came into the office in the morning and declared, "Boy, are my pecs sore."
I had the wisdom to say only, "I hope they feel better soon."
I had one little anecdote to share and didn't want to further derail Danielle's and Helle's dating thread.
Several years ago, I was at a show and was getting to know an up-and-coming female bodybuilder. We'd met on a prior occasion and talked a little, exchanged numbers texted from time-to-time. The flirting was casual and innocent, nothing beyond normal conversation between young people.
On this particular weekend, however, I felt like she was indicating some degree of genuine interest. We'd been talking for a while when she said her back and shoulders were sore and she needed a massage. I assumed she meant right then, right there. So, I obliged. After maybe 10 seconds, she said I needed to stop. I continued, because I'd completely misread what she was saying in that moment. A few seconds later, she made it clear that this was done.
The current-day version of me would have handled things much differently with regard to confirming consent. Asking for permission to touch someone when it SEEMS that's what they're asking you for can be awkward and unnatural and certainly unromantic, but maybe it protects everyone's autonomy and saves a little embarrassment later.
I apologized immediately and while she believed I had meant no harm, the damage was done. I've touched plenty of muscle in my day, but that was the last time I touched hers because I had failed to get proper clearance in advance. Twenty-some years later, there's no way I make the same mistake today.