Forum
>
General / Nonfiction
>
Thread
Log in |
Register
Hey, autistic lifter here. I recently started to go to a new gym and in this gym attends this monolith of a woman that's definitely in her late 40s or early 50s, but she's totally fit and has the most beautiful physique of all the girls in the gym. I'm smithen by her beauty, and I'm a 29 year old with a pretty decent physique myself, but I don't have the confidence of approaching such a stunning woman. I'm awkward as hell since I'm an aspie. Either way I wish I could cause as of late all I can think about is this woman's beauty! I guess, I would like to know, would it be awkward if a guy like me spoke to a woman like her?
What’s your reason for approaching her? Typically, most people with nice physiques are at the gym to train and not so much for social engagement. Polite comments are often welcome, so long as it’s not long-winded or interrupting her.
I don’t see anything wrong with saying something nice to a stranger, but it would be up to you to read the room re:timing so that it’s not awkward.
My reason for approaching her is that I'm crushing for her like a kid at a school yard. But I'm basically as awkward as a kid in a school yard.
What’s your reason for approaching her? Typically, most people with nice physiques are at the gym to train and not so much for social engagement. Polite comments are often welcome, so long as it’s not long-winded or interrupting her.
I don’t see anything wrong with saying something nice to a stranger, but it would be up to you to read the room re:timing so that it’s not awkward.
Good, sound advice here, from tre-sayer. You can compliment a woman in a tasteful way. She's worked hard for her results and a compliment is always welcome. I work out in a gym and there is a beautiful blonde with gorgeous arms, who other guys have told me is a rude, stuck up bitch. She's probably heard every stupid, lame comment. I have never had any problem conversing with her. I was just careful to come across as genuine. She's even come up to me, on occasion to strike up some small talk. Just be nice, genuine and tasteful...if you decide to compliment her.
Good, sound advice here, from tre-sayer. You can compliment a woman in a tasteful way. She's worked hard for her results and a compliment is always welcome. I work out in a gym and there is a beautiful blonde with gorgeous arms, who other guys have told me is a rude, stuck up bitch. She's probably heard every stupid, lame comment. I have never had any problem conversing with her. I was just careful to come across as genuine. She's even come up to me, on occasion to strike up some small talk. Just be nice, genuine and tasteful...if you decide to compliment her.
I actually feel a bit more confident now. Thanks!
The first thing you should do is reframe your thinking a little bit before you try to approach her. You write phrases like "smitten by her beauty" and "crushing for her like a kid in as schoolyard." Most women, especially women of her age, don't want someone who has lines of thinking similar to that approaching them. Plus, you're doing a disservice to yourself by not only elevating her to an unrealistically high podium, but you're also relegating yourself to an inferior position (by saying things like: "I am awkward because I am autistic and as such would it be awkward for someone like me to approach this.) Being autistic doesn't make you "below" her, and while you have autism it doesn't define who you are. While you fawn over her beauty, you have to remember that she is also a human like you, and has her own flaws and faults. Instead of framing her as this stunning goddess that you are intimidated to approach try reframing it by saying to yourself, "Hey, she is pretty attractive, let me see if I can get to know her better." You never know: you could get to know her and she might be really cool, or she might be a complete prat. I couldn't tell you how many times I thought a muscular woman that I saw in person was attractive, but upon talking to them and getting to know them, they ended up being...less than desirable. And vice versa!
The good news is that you both share something in common: you both lift and are into fitness! That gives you a great talking point to start with. Start slow. Maybe ask her to spot you when you bench or squat, and you can offer to return the favor if she needs it. Also, be aware of the environment and what she is doing. Don't interrupt her during her set, and only reach out if she is resting between sets and if she has her headphones off. Also, practice the slow burn: say hi, ask for a spot, thank her, and move on. Don't stretch out a conversation for too long where it distracts her from her workout. And assuming you are both regulars, you would probably be able to add on to conversation as you continue to see her. After knowing her for a bit, you can talk about training, goals, nutrition and other things related to fitness. The key is not to rush things.
You also have to remember that there is a possibility she is already in a relationship, or isn't interested in you in a romantic sense (there is an age gap to consider,) and you have to be ok with that. Even if she is unavailable, if you prove yourself to be a cool person who is easy to talk with and you don't act like a schmoe creep, she may even refer you to ladies she knows who might be interested. Networking is such a big thing, and it's pretty common for fit and muscular women to know other fit women.
Good luck!
The first thing you should do is reframe your thinking a little bit before you try to approach her. You write phrases like "smitten by her beauty" and "crushing for her like a kid in as schoolyard." Most women, especially women of her age, don't want someone who has lines of thinking similar to that approaching them. Plus, you're doing a disservice to yourself by not only elevating her to an unrealistically high podium, but you're also relegating yourself to an inferior position (by saying things like: "I am awkward because I am autistic and as such would it be awkward for someone like me to approach this.) Being autistic doesn't make you "below" her, and while you have autism it doesn't define who you are. While you fawn over her beauty, you have to remember that she is also a human like you, and has her own flaws and faults. Instead of framing her as this stunning goddess that you are intimidated to approach try reframing it by saying to yourself, "Hey, she is pretty attractive, let me see if I can get to know her better." You never know: you could get to know her and she might be really cool, or she might be a complete prat. I couldn't tell you how many times I thought a muscular woman that I saw in person was attractive, but upon talking to them and getting to know them, they ended up being...less than desirable. And vice versa!
The good news is that you both share something in common: you both lift and are into fitness! That gives you a great talking point to start with. Start slow. Maybe ask her to spot you when you bench or squat, and you can offer to return the favor if she needs it. Also, be aware of the environment and what she is doing. Don't interrupt her during her set, and only reach out if she is resting between sets and if she has her headphones off. Also, practice the slow burn: say hi, ask for a spot, thank her, and move on. Don't stretch out a conversation for too long where it distracts her from her workout. And assuming you are both regulars, you would probably be able to add on to conversation as you continue to see her. After knowing her for a bit, you can talk about training, goals, nutrition and other things related to fitness. The key is not to rush things.
You also have to remember that there is a possibility she is already in a relationship, or isn't interested in you in a romantic sense (there is an age gap to consider,) and you have to be ok with that. Even if she is unavailable, if you prove yourself to be a cool person who is easy to talk with and you don't act like a schmoe creep, she may even refer you to ladies she knows who might be interested. Networking is such a big thing, and it's pretty common for fit and muscular women to know other fit women.
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice. I believe you're right in all of your points. I guess I'm being pretty unreazonable, I do tend to put women I find very attractive in pedestals, and I do have a very self-deprecating nature. I guess I have to work on that first!
Hey, autistic lifter here. I recently started to go to a new gym and in this gym attends this monolith of a woman that's definitely in her late 40s or early 50s, but she's totally fit and has the most beautiful physique of all the girls in the gym. I'm smithen by her beauty, and I'm a 29 year old with a pretty decent physique myself, but I don't have the confidence of approaching such a stunning woman. I'm awkward as hell since I'm an aspie. Either way I wish I could cause as of late all I can think about is this woman's beauty! I guess, I would like to know, would it be awkward if a guy like me spoke to a woman like her?