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Helping a girl friend or wife get motivated?

Feb 19, 2021 - permalink

Reading stories where people have had their girlfriends or wives pile on those kilos, I am curious as to whether anyone has dealt with a partner that was in thar situation and managed to turn things around.

Did you work out yourself, did you learn about why she was having a hard time losing weight, or putting on muscle, and how did you manage to turn it all into a positive result? Also has this turned into a long term lifestyle change?

Feb 19, 2021 - permalink

Honestly, motivation comes from within: you can't get that from another person, and even if you do, it's something that isn't sustainable in the long-term. There's a saying I like that goes, "Where motivation fails, discipline succeeds."

As for me personally, my girlfriend and I keep ourselves accountable at the gym, and we occasionally work out together. When we can, we like doing Partner WODs.

Feb 19, 2021 - permalink

Tried to motivate my gf visit gym several years (just to be healthy and lost some weight, not to be ripped or massive) ago without success. Things changed 1.5y ago when my gf saw progress of neighbor girl who did amazing transformation. That girl was fat, but got so hot and fit after training in gym and lifting heavy. My gf asked her how she did it and then my gf started gym and lifting too. It was not me who motivated her, but I am happy she started gym and lifting.

Feb 21, 2021 - permalink

I told my wife I liked fit women but eventually told her the full truth. She got into it full bore and really liked feeling "big," strong, and powerful. She was athletic minded already though so I guess I had an in.

Mar 31, 2021 - permalink

The best thing you can do is to lead. If you want her going to gym and eating right, you gotta be doing it yourself. I like to try and make it a "joint effort," we go together, I make us shakes when we get back, give her encouraging words, etc... Sounds simple, but if you've got a girlfriend/spouse who isn't overly naturally inclined to lifting, it can be work.

Mar 31, 2021 - permalink

At the end of the day you can't make a woman do what she really doesn't want to do.

My girl was kind of heavy but in the process of losing it when we met. She wanted to be stereotypically thin/lean. I was heavily into lifting when I met her. I said I was more attracted to fit chicks than thin chicks. I could even find chubby girls erotic provided they were physically strong and had some muscle under the flab.

For a time we would lift weights together and she was getting fairly strong. But the second that she got depressed over her job and various other things, she gave up the lifting (or indeed, any exercise).

2 years and 80 lbs later, she is slowly getting back into exercise and diet, but has gone back to original plan of wanting to be a thin chick. Not interested in lifting because she never really was, only did it to humor me. Now especially in the age of COVID, I don't see her going back to the gym to lift weights.

Apr 02, 2021 - permalink

I agree that you need to be going to the gym yourself and following the general lifestyle to motivate your partner. Living a healthy lifestyle requires effort but the payout is a strong healthy physique and a positive mental outlook. This needs to become a core value that is openly discussed in a relationship. If being with a buff woman is very important, what happens if the value is not shared? Is that a deal breaker? And people need to walk away if it really is a deal breaker or agree on relationship options. Better to ask and learn early before an LTR develops. A disconnect in this area can lead to a worsening relationship. And if kids come along, the stress just gets worse. Better to know up front that you and your partner agree on this lifestyle. I’m not talking about the IFBB lifestyle (which I believe is unsustainable). I’m just talking about being average buff and healthy and adopting that lifestyle long term.

Apr 02, 2021 - permalink

It is indeed about motivating to live in a healthy lifestyle, important to find someone who is on the same level. This will of course increase the opportunity for women to also get into activity which leads to muscle. If a girl really isn't into sports, and you want to a girl to get active, you can try to motivate her to try and find her a sport she likes or point out the benefits of sports/gym for prevention of injuries, mental health and overall happiness.

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